Everything I am about to tell you, is true. Except names, people, places and events have been changed.
When I looked into the future, I saw wars, global warming, an alien invasion and maybe an overthrow of the government.
When I got to my future, I found so much more. Here I am now, I look around in every single direction there is nothing. I can not explain to you what it feels like to see this, the fires have stopped, the screaming, the grunting, gunshots, stab wounds, crying, its all gone.
What the fuck do we do now? The human race has gone, all that is left is to shit, piss, eat smoke wank and drink. There is not x box, I pods, sat tav, digital TV, hot water, or any other luxuries, this isn’t the 21st century anymore.
We raid liquor stores, we fuck, we have more money than sense, we are the lost ones, the survivors, in years to come, they will call us the creators.
Perhaps we should do what we can to get the world back together, to recreate civilisation, get electricity going, search for people, but look at the fucked up state we are in now, all this started from the modern world going too far with science, greed, laziness and distaste.
We don’t have long to live anyway, this city can’t keep feeding us forever, we can not live completely independently, we need a government. We are simply to lazy to make our own history, we need TV and advertisements to tell us what to do everyday, we need fast cars, big houses, five star hotels, first class, designer clothes and expensive wines to prove we are better than the rest. If you are not us than we shall shun you, pity you and perhaps donate to charity to pretend we care.
That is the world we have left behind, they were the first to go, the upper class who thought their high-class security could keep the biters away, the plan was foiled and they tore their way into the homes of “dearly beloved”
The government did not last long, after telling everyone to move the “big cities” the biters followed, and this is when we started to notice less people soon the tanks ran out of gas, the ammo was put to waste on poor soldiers suicide, and we are all that is left.
We hid out in a store basement for a few months, or so I think. During those months, I learnt how much people worry unnecessarily, five fruit or veg a day, no. Washing your hands after every toilet trip, no, we don’t need any of this.
Now the coast is clear, I feel like a kid in a toyshop, I have the whole world to myself. There is just us ten, and the whole of London at our feet.
What would you do?
We will loot, we will fuck, we will wank, we will swear and we will drink, you will not have anything to say, because just like the rest, you followed the crowd.
I’m used to the smell of rotting flesh now, any other smell would be unsettling. Things that at one point I thought would haunt me, I now can’t imagine life without.
Of cause its scary at first, seeing the world as you know it being torn down by these ‘undead’ monsters but worse, seeing the people you love turn on each other, you watch your entire circle of friends and family literally die in front of you, but you don’t have time to step back and mourn because you can never, ever let your guard down.
Even now, when everything seems quiet and it is pitch black you never know what’s creeping in the shadows.
I don’t stay with the others, we’re all settled by embankment, a few have set up camp in Westminster Abbey, I guess the heavy doors and wood panels make them feel safe, we have people in a pod on the London eye keeping watch, but me. I broke into the aquarium, it was one of the only places, which hadn’t already been looted or vandalized, and I’m happy. It’s my own little piece of heaven. Most the fish have died; The bigger fish are eating the dead little fish and I wonder, has the plague hit them too, or are they happily still swimming around like nothing has changed?
The days are long and boring, what is there to do without the home comforts we are used too? Even things such as a flushing toilet are a thing of the past to us all now. I’ve taken to driving around on a motorbike; I stole some leathers and a helmet, they work well at keeping the biters off, leather is awful thick for them to get through.
Some nights we do nothing but fall straight asleep, I like to stay up and write letters to the people I used to know, to the world I used to know. But sometimes we’ll feel optimistic and we’ll have a huge bonfire of corpses and we’ll go a few miles outside of town and steal some spirits and it’ll be like the ultimate summer party and we’ll laugh and swap stories and slowly partner off for another night of heavy breathing and the friction of worn out skin. And it would all be normal, and if the situations were different these would be the best days of our lives.
But these aren’t the best days of our lives, these are not the memories we’ll look back on and laugh, this is just us trying to survive and forget what has really happened. But this isn’t going to be forgotten, and in years to come, this will be written in the history books for everyone to learn about, and we’ll be known forever.
and for the first time in quite a while i forgot what it used to be like, before all this death and crazy surreal shit.
i sat in my sleeping bag in the doorway of waterloo station with a tiny bonfire, and i just sat there, and i watched for hours as the snow fell onto the pristine untouched floor, 18 months ago and this would have been dirty gray sludge from all the commuters, the tiny snowflakes wouldn’t have had a second on the ground before they were destroyed with a single footprint.
but now, they lay on the ground. it all looks so fresh and clean, like it can just take away the blood, the suffering and smell. its covering all the blood stains, and maybe if it keeps snowing it’ll cover the corpses, and this place will look totally innocent, like everyone is just on a very long holiday – and forgot us.
I think we’ll have a party tonight, to bring up the spirits, everyone has gone on their own adventures in the snow, me, i don’t want to go anywhere, i’m happy here looking at what London used to be, so innocent and white.
and right now i feel like one of them, i lust for nothing but human contact. but not to eat, to touch, to hold, to kiss, and to fuck.
i miss the smell of the summer, i miss the feeling of seeing the sky and knowing “today will be a good day” i miss that slight hope of optimism, right now all i feel is how much longer will we last? our lives are a fucking sand timer and we’re slowly slipping through.
i always thought, if this time ever happens, it will be exciting, fun and just amazing “to be the last of the men” we would say, and i’d mean it, i really would. I mean what sounds better than a whole city to yourself to play in, all the guns, food, alcohol, places you could ever want to go, all to yourself.
but it’s not, why would it be when there is noone to enjoy it with? i’ve lost everyone, everything i ever loved, and what do i have now? everything material i could ever want or need, but what i would give for those feelings you have in the pit of your stomach, when you know you’re about to see the person you like.
that feeling when you look at someone in the eyes, and you don’t want to shy away and hide, just be with them. I guess i never appreciated just how good that felt.
who am i to kid, I can drink, Fuck, play games, do whatever the hell i want.
i could never complain
How do you ever begin to explain how you feel? can you remember when you were young, and you had to watch that person you love walk away with a different girl, and you would feel that sinking in your stomach like it was about to come out your ass, you could never explain to people that feeling, but you know the one i mean.
well take that, and times it for every person you have ever loved, and imagine, instead of them going away with another person, they are dying in front of you, you can see their skin slowly turn gray, their eyes dilate and all the life drain out their body, and you have to kill them, right there.
You can’t handle that sort of pain, it is not right for the human body, i am sure i have just shut down now, like a nurse in ER, i am just a shadow working on instinct to keep myself going. Trying to control a greater force, this is no sci-fi horror movie, no student production, and i’m no leading lady. This is real, and i don’t know what to do about it.
sometimes i blame myself for this, after all it is what i would spend so many bitter evenings wishing for, and maybe if there was a better person in my place, it would be i wanted.
But the world is fucked and we need to rebuild it, we have the knowledge to know what not to do, but not what we can do.
If we knew what to do, surely someone would have figured it out years ago? their will always be a great force guiding, brainwashing us, if it isn’t zombies it’s the gangs, making us fearful of walking alone at night.
It’s the government, using tasteful words and classy sentences to control our mind and warp what we really believe.
It is the terrorists, scaring us away from flying, holidays, our nations capitals, there is always going to be someone, something controlling us, a corporation selling us products we don’t need.
so maybe it is best, just the 9 of us, Yes 9, Adam died last night, he took his life and we had to watch over him to make sure he didn’t turn.
well i hope you’re happy now, we have lost the war, and yet again i am weak and powerless, except this time, so are you.
and how could you ever be patriotic at a time like this, yes the flag still flies, but there is no one watching it.
and as i walk the streets of London i wonder, why do people miss this? This was never the amazing city people drew on postcards and world maps, it is not about the London eye, Buckingham Palace, the tower of London, none of these things some up England.
It is the graffiti on the walls, the blood on the floor, the derelict buildings, this city was full of hope for people, they would flee from their countries for better lives, but look where we all are now? dead.
And it is all because we are greedy, we are never happy with what we have and have to experiment and keep growing and building, well i told you it’d go wrong some day.
And looking at this city now, it looks so much better, yes the buildings are falling apart, their is blood and dead bodies everywhere, but there is no loud noises, no cars, gangs, stabbings, tourists, no one to tell us what to do, and no one to take the pure beauty of a lost city.
London is finally in peace, and i’m going to leave it that way.
And it is nothing like the movies, no amount of films or books could help preparae you for this.
because maybe you can cut off a dead mans head, and maybe you can find the best place to hide, but anyone can shoot a gun and hide underground.
But can you shoot your best friend? can you kill your mother, can you watch your father be eaten alive? seeing your whole life fall apart is something you never see in the movies, not until you’re the director.
It’ll never leave you, people started to give up soon enough, the bullets arn’t wasted on the biters anymore, but the poor lonely souls that can’t make it, that have seen what they become, and have come to peace with that.
but where do they go? because there is no heaven and hell, all the dead are still here.
We’re all alone now, i’m so sure i’m insane wiriting these letters to nobody, you forget how much you need the company of another soul, another voice, another opinion.
you forget how much you miss what is new, things don’t update anymore, it is like we are stuck in a ground hog day, but nothing is getting better.
The newspapers show the same day; 17/02/09 and we’re alone again, the last news we had was saying this is the end. The end for you and I, but somehow i survived.
and now i am sat here all alone, watching the papers fly around in the empty streets, like the ghosts of past lovers, no one is bothering them now.
and we can’t control a thing anymore, i am completely vunerable to what life throws at us, because it is no longer what the banks say, what the news says, what the billboards say, what the police say or what the terrorists say, it is what mother nature says, or what the biters say.
and that is one hundred percent more frightening, but maybe mother nature will tell me to die of cold, or maybe the biters will kill me in my sleep and i will be one of them, and then maybe i’ll wake up half dead craving flesh and eat the bodies of people i once knew, loved or hated, and maybe then i’ll fit in and be normal again.
hell; no one ever fits in, even when the biters weren’t here we know thats true, this has proven the point that money and material things wont buy you happiness, and it wont save you now, so fuck you, fuck your money, shiny cars, credit cards and your poor rich drunk mother, because you’re alone now.
Its my chance to save this place, now I understand, we can start again.
UPDATE;
When I look up at the sky, the stars shine back to me so bright, like a message trapped up in the scared night sky.
And they shine so bright, without all the light pollution they are finally free, the whole world is so quiet now, there are no more screams, no more explosions, you could never imagine the backdrop to this beauty, burnt out buildings and empty streets,
but how can you ever expect me to live with no human contact? we are destined to fail all over again, so why not give up?
I think about rebuilding our culture, where suddenly life isn’t about iPod updates or internet creditability, where we have old fashioned wars and posh rich socialites with traditions they thought could never grow old. but is that possible now, have we paid for our mistakes? for ruining this country and forgetting our priorities and becoming a selfish broken community?
well I beg of you, whoever finds this, just leave it, let the earth be at peace, let it regrow, adapt and be reborn, because when we are here, we only cause havoc.
